Monday, February 12, 2007

Along for the ride


There are few pleasures in my life that I hold so dear as that of trusting my anatomy and fragile human vessel to the energy and whim of a sixty pound German Shepherd. I live in Los Angeles, which means we don't have winter, and there is a lot of perfectly good pavement...EVERYWHERE! At first this really messed me up. You don't know how it feels to go through tree withdrawl (I wander around Home Depot just to be close to wood), but over the years I have found ways to cope, and my new favorite hobby is strapping little wheels to my feet and hanging on for my miserable life while my big assed scary killer of a crotch wolf runs the stupid out of her system on a four mile stretch of sidewalk that lays parallel to the well fortified, homeland secured and locked down with chain link fence, LAX International airport. And last night I crossed a very depressing threshold with the fact that I think I may have actually fallen asleep while hurlting down the road at the speed of hound (yeah its a bad pun...piss off, its my blog). I got home pretty late last night and I've been working some stupid hours in the old animation factory and juggling that with the normal volume of urine soaked bedsheets and incescent cries for boo boo kisses and body flips from those little things that live in my house. I dare say that the calming effect of the wheels on the road combined with the soothing roar of the majestically humongous stinky jet airliners, conspire to lullaby my flabby arse to a dangerous state of restful intoxication. If I were to die tomorrow, I would hope it to be in a gun battle with my sworn enemy, mauled by a mountain lion, or as a sacrifice to the Gods of Rock...not from a tiny stone on a stretch of sidewalk that I failed to dodge because the wind on my cheeks nuzzeled me like a mother koala in a bed made of cotton candy. Head over heels and heels over head...straight into pavement and fuck...your dead! I'd probably land on the bag of crap...but that doesn't bother me. Nothing wrong with crap on a conceptual level. Its all part of the circle of life. I actually take comfort in the thought that I don't think the dog would run away. I think she would stay and wait for help.
I like dogs. I get dogs. Dogs are good. I wish more people were like dogs. You can read a dog. Dogs will pull you on wheels. My kids won't do that. You tell me where the unconditional love is.
I should really wear a helmet.

Kris.

7 comments:

steve said...

Hay Kris, Great Stuff.The dog is hilarious.

Mr Harte said...

Great. The kids books sketchs are lovely too.

Randeep Katari said...

Kris,
This post was the most entertaining thing I've read in a while. I love the sketches, hope all is well. I'll talk to you soon.

-R.

Blair Kitchen said...

When we run out of oil, all of us are going to be doing this. It'll be like the wild west, but with dogs.
Nice to see you've started up this blog again! See you around!

Osgood said...

I was gonna compliment you on your delightful dog sketch, but then I read your post. And now, screw your sketch. Thanks for the words!

walleye said...

Ha Ha! Thanks Osgood! I'm only writing this stuff for you!
Blair! Good to hear from you. How's the family?
Thank Randeep and Mr Harte! Much appreciated.
And Steve! Good to hear from you.
Hope life is treating you all well.
Cheers,
Kris.

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