Monday, June 01, 2009

BANANAS


I haven't posted in ages... I've been drunk in England. I don't have a scanner (there's one at work but I'm infinitely intimidated by the gaggle of French artists and one Welshman... whipping out drawings in such a studio is like being back in high school gym class... I'm not sure if my dick is small, but I'm pretty sure it's not big... so better to try and keep it under the towel... however, after a post on Cartoonbrew on animated crotch shaving (thanks Gillette... pricks... there's another f*&king responsibility I didn't need in my life), I figure with some steady hands I may be fine).
Having said all that, things are ok here in Bristol. Still working for the studio system with all its ups and downs, but I'm learning a ton and I hope getting better not worse at my job. Hard to tell. On days where I feel good, I'm quickly reminded I'm an idiot. Same old story that goes back to when I was eleven (probably beyond that, but my brain cells are all dead from the early days... I don't remember Sunday School, but I'm sure there was touching). For specific reference of said idiocy, open your book to the table of contents and see the chapter: Girls, subheading: Failure, pages 102-487. It's quite comprehensive.

Enough of that auto biographical crap... Do you ever think about Bananas? They're everywhere, but where the f&*k do they come from? I can go into any grocery store here in Britain, and if its after noon, there's no strawberries, but there's always bananas. I guarantee you they cannot grow bananas at that volume on this soggy island, and I can only imagine how it must have been to see one back in the olden times... and when I say olden times, I mean really olden times (I'm talking Augustus and the Roman Empire old shit... before fur traders, and the shooting on the Plains of Abraham). I wonder how people reacted to Bananas the FIRST time they arrived on the shores of Britain with those Romans who were looking for a good place to rape and bath. To the villagers of the Empire it must not be that different from the first time they laid eyes on a rhinoceros... earth shattering and beyond reality in color, shape and taste (ever tasted a rhinoceros?... chunky... if chunky was a taste (between sour and shitty)). And, as we all know, once the Banana is known the smoothie cannot be far behind, and drink food is just around the corner. If only they had blenders.

I remember the first time I ate a Lychee Nut... BAM... it was like some delicious kick in the gob hole... I was floated up to heaven and for the time that juicy, pulpy, white fruity flesh rolled around in my meat pit, I was transported to the pearly gates for a square dance and knee slap with a God I was sure didn't exist. I'd renounce Darwin for another yummy Lychee.

Perspective... I live in a world with unbelievable distribution and while many a weekend shopping trip I buy bananas in my local store (readily without worry or thought), I'm pretty goddamn sure the countries they come from are not eating British Lamb... or Alberta Cows... or California Sea Lions... heeeellll no... It's all out of perspective. From this day forth, I will swear to appreciate every... EVERY Banana I put in my hairy face... I will peel it with reverence and eat the insides like it was a frozen Mammoth discovered in the melting glaciers of Russia (I heard that story somewhere). What could thousand year old meat possibly taste like? Rich I suppose.

Who will eat the last Banana in the world? (consider the changing climate and all)... That would make a really compelling story I imagine. THE LAST BANANA... It almost writes itself... and the porno to follow would have the same title. I hope we're still around as a species to watch it.

Bye.
KP.

15 comments:

Tobias Schwarz said...

they will soon grow bananas in england, no worries!

KP said...

Hey... You're right!
There's always an upside. Piss off polar bears.

craig said...

Kris!
Wow..thanks for the return brother. A VERY funny post. Glad to hear things are going well.

Monkeyfeather said...

He's back! And this time he brought bananas!!!

Shawn Seles said...

Cool stuff, Mr. P!

Anonymous said...

This particular welshman is wondering which studio you work for in Bristol. Hope your enjoying UK life :)

kp said...

Hey all...
Craig, John and Sean! Nice to hear from you all!

To the Welshman... I'm over at Aardman slinging boards. It's fun. Lovely people there. Having a great time.

Best wishes all.

Alex (J.M.) said...

sounds good Kris... I like it... (can't wait to see your book when I see stuff like this... Post more often!!!) Much success there.

Mr.Breadcrumbs said...

LOL!!! Kris you are Hilarious, I heard about that mammoth story too i cant believe they ate it. Wonder what it tasted like/

Bobby Chiu said...

hehehe... too funny! You're awesome Kris! And as usual, love the illo and the expression of the dog!

B! said...

nice work, post some more!

stefan said...

Romans?! There's a lot of people in England who will tell you how bananas first arrived here shortly after the war. To be honest, we're still pretty excited about them - although a lot of supermarkets do seem to have forgotten that they are supposed to be yellow - not green.
Lovely drawings - looking forward to seeing more bums.

mkummer said...

This book is an artistic masterpiece. Every page is dynamic, great character shapes, and the color is stunning. I'd love to purchase it as I'm sure many others would, Do you plan on publishing? If not I'd love to see all 30 + pages finaled with text. Just great work work man

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Luispa Salmon said...

very cute, GREAT BLOG!